the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
