He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
