textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
