you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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