cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
