You can't special order awesome
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
