By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
