she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I could make wine with my vomit
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
