There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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