he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
