We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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