be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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