I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
