Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
