Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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