this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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