Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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