She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
