I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
