New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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