um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
