i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
