remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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