Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
