Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
