I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
