P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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