So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
