now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
