Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
