dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I did not marry a roomba.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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