apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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