sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
