she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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