Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
