May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
3pm strippers are depressing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
