So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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