my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
