The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
