i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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