he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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