I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
