don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.