Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
