I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."