Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom