I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter