he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
