don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
