Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can u get pink eye on your cock?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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