I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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