i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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