I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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