Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize