She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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