I want to stick my p in your. b.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
did i walk over a car last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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