i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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