Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
