their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
