She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
please don't ironically join a cult
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