I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just tell him i said nine months
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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