i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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