and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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