It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
