All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
