Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
