Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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