first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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