Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
