I wish my penis had an off switch
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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