also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
