he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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