I think I won the penis lottery.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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