I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
