the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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