the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's shark week go big or go home
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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