Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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