As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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