Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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