What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
