Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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