I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
