when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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